L.A. Clippers Road Trip

I was tickled tangerine to be able to go on an overnight road trip with the Los Angeles Clippers, but if I tell you how I managed to get this privilege, I'd have to kill you. I will tell you, however, the four things I learned on this NBA Road Trip, Number 83 on my Bucket List.

Let me preface it by saying the Lakers aren't the only team in town. Plus, they probably wouldn't have allowed me to tag along, even though it was my BIRTHDAY!

It all began one fall night after the Clippers had lost a home game to the Orlando Magic. (I know . . . nothing new there.) We leave the Staples Center on a bus (I already had my bag packed) and head to a private runway behind LAX where there were no lines, no security screening, and every seat on the plane is First Class (somehow I just think that needs to be capitalized). They even have a buffet on board laid out with any food you could want at 11 p.m. at night. And then they serve you a full meal later on!

We arrive in rainy Portland at 2 a.m. where another bus takes the entire team (and me and Sarge) to the Fifth Avenue Suites where -- you guessed it -- every room is a suite. Sweet! We walk into the hotel, and there is no check-in required. All the keys are laid out in envelopes near the front desk. It was already about five hours past my bedtime, so we grab the envelope that has our name and head straight to bed.

Seems like I had just fallen asleep when I had to get up again. The game was at 2 p.m., and we had to eat breakfast and be at the arena for shoot-around by 11 a.m. It's a good thing these players are young, because the aged (like Sarge... okay, and me...) could never keep up this pace for an 82-game season.

This was the only photo I had time to take.

I was so exhausted by the time we lost to the Trailblazers and flew back home, that I vowed never to go on another NBA road trip again. (Plus no one is going to allow me.)

The four things I learned from this adventure are:

1. Your airplane seat does not have to be in a locked and upright position for take-off or landing. Half of the Clippers and staff reclined the entire flight. The other half yacked on their cellphones. Which brings me to number . . .

2. Cellphones can be used during a flight, and the plane won't crash. When I first saw everyone texting and talking, I was like, "This plane is gonna blooooowwww!!!" But then Sarge had something to calm me down, which brings me to number . . .

3. You don't have to finish your drink before landing.

4. Your seat cushion will probably never be used as a floatation device. This is just my opinion.

Since I was able to fulfill Number 83 on my Bucket List, suffice it to say, the Clippers are now my favorite team.